Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Steel Panther, "The Stocking Song"

Metal is perhaps important during the holiday season, when the umpteenth Muzak version of "The Little Drummer Boy" sends you right to Goatwhore's Carving Out the Eyes of God, or whatever your preferred means of blocking out Christmas music may be. I'm also in favor of busting out some of metal's Christmas best, whether AC/DC's "Mistress for Christmas," King Diamond's "No Presents for Christmas" or Spinal Tap's "Christmas with the Devil." Yet for all of metal's perks, the genre has yet to provide a truly excellent Christmas song, something on par with Run–D.M.C.'s "Christmas in Hollis" (although maybe that's setting the bar too high.)

Steel Panther come close this year with "The Stocking Song," possibly the most ribald Christmas double entendre song since Clarence Carter's "Back Door Santa." The music is just as uproarious as the lyrics, nailing the wimp-rock slush of Tesla, Extreme (yes, there are congas) and pulling out a melody that could have come directly from the '80s if it didn't sound a little like Boyz II Men. God rest you merry, gentlemen.

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