Six Worst Mother's Day Songs

Mother's Day mixes are as much fun to make as they are to listen to, mainly for rediscovering the trove of great songs that would be terrible for the final playlist. Some of these songs are better than ones that made the cut, just not the kind of music that I'd dedicate to Ma Apatoff. One day these will get their own mix CD, but until then, here are the six worst Mother's Day songs.

Body Count, "Momma's Gotta Die Tonight"

Body Count's first LP is the Scarface of metal--too over the top to take seriously (no matter what Dan Quayle says) and somehow enduring. Ice-T's monologue is about four minutes too long, yet the song would be much worse without it.



Guns N' Roses, "Mama Kin"

Want to make it to hard rock stardom? Put "Mama Kin" on your first record--it worked for Aerosmith and Guns N' Roses. GNR improve on the original by picking up speed and removing the sucksophone, giving us a Stonesy rocker that might actually work on a Mother's Day mix, if not for Axl's introduction.



Mastodon, "Mother Puncher"

I love hearing Mastodon throw all their weight into a progression that plays like it's about to sweep your feet out from under you. From the sound of this song, a mother puncher is a hurricane at sea.



Misfits, "Mommy, Can I Go Out and Kill Tonight?"

"May I?"



Suicidal Tendencies, "I Saw Your Mommy"

"...and your mommy's dead." The second-most popular song from ST's first and best album is a gleeful exercise in good taste. In high school I put this on a mix for a girl, and learned to never do that again. 



Queen, "Tie Your Mother Down"

Proof that if not for all that ambition, Queen would've made a pretty great AC/DC. And that Freddie Mercury and Brian May can make anything sound like fun.

Boyz II Mom

My mom doesn't ask for much, except for a mix CD two days of the year. One of these days comes on a Sunday in May.



Boyz II Mom

1. The Beatles, "Mother Nature's Son"
2. Warren Zevon, "Mama Couldn't Be Persuaded"
3. Mr. T, "Treat Your Mother Right"
4. Ozzy Osbourne, "Mama, I'm Coming Home"
5. Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention, "Motherly Love"
6. Waylon Jennings & Willie Nelson, "Mammas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys"
7. Bob Dylan, "Mama, You Been on My Mind"
8. Funkadelic, "Cosmic Slop"
9. Marc Rizzo, "Mamasita"
10. John Lee Hooker, "Mama, You've Got a Daughter"
11. The Rolling Stones, "Have You Seen Your Mother, Baby, Standing in the Shadow?"
12. Neil Young, "New Mama"
13. Danzig, "Mother"
14. The Jackson 5, "Mama's Pearl"
15. 2pac, "Dear Mama"
16. Pink Floyd, "Mother"
17. Merle Haggard, "Mother Tried"
18. John Lennon, "Mother"
19. Johnny Cash, "Send a Picture of Mother"
20. Paul Simon, "That Was Your Mother"
21. The Beach Boys, "Mama Says"
22. Stevie Wonder, "Easy Goin' Evening (My Mama's Call)"

22 recordings of boys honoring moms in song.

With my mom's preferences in mind, metal is at a minimum. Ozzy was of course the first to spring up, and Danzig's "Mother" is almost as cuddly these days. Marc Rizzo from Soulfly pulls off an impressive flamenco number on "Mamasita," but Mom's tastes are more reflected in the Beatles and Stevie Wonder picks.

Of course a Mother's Day mix needs a lot of country ("Mama Tried" being the one I can relate to most,) and I got to rescue 2Pac and Pink Floyd tracks from records that I used to bother Mom with. I actually like both of them better in this context, and I'm hoping she will, too. With the Stones and Beatles, I shunned the obvious choices ("Mother's Little Helper," "Your Mother Should Know") and wound up with better songs. Not that I'm elitist enough to admit it.

Luckily, two of my favorite sources for music, Rob Sheffield and Sound Opinions, also came up with playlists for me to cherry pick from. This resulted in Funkadelic's terrific "Cosmic Slop," which I hadn't realized counts as a mom song, a wistful a capella number from the Beach Boys and most notably, "Treat Your Mother Right," which could not exist if not for mixes like this one.

Listening again, I'm wondering if the Zappa and John Lennon choices were appropriate. I guess that many boys have complicated feelings about their mommies.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom Apatoff.

Download here: Boyz II Mom