Metal Jackson

Watching Michael Jackson unravel emotionally and physically over the past 15 years is not something I want to dwell on, but it sometimes made me wonder what kind of a metal record he'd make. I'd imagine him pulling off industrial hard rock like a rhythmically perfect, more authentically disturbed Marilyn Manson, which would be a blast to hear. While he never had the chance to make a metal album, Michael Jackson deserves some credit for metal's mainstream acceptance. It's one of his few artistic accomplishment that hasn't been universally acknowledged, so let's give it a shot.

Years before Run-DMC invited Aerosmith to make crossover music history, Michael Jackson roped in Eddie Van Halen to provide the ripping solo on "Beat It."

Van Halen's distortion was allegedly toned down in production to make it more palatable to 47 million record buyers. Still, not even Quincy Jones' polish is enough to numb the ferocity of an Eddie solo. This was also years before hard rock and glam metal dominated the top 40, and for better or worse, "Beat It" may have significantly expanded pop metal's audience.

Nowadays, Slash will lend his guitar-playing and persona to anyone with a buck and no credibility. But in 1991, it wasn't just anyone who could get the world's most well-paid functioning alcoholic to perform.

Skip the video's overlong, unfunny intro, and you get a simple but effective riff from the most recognizable biracial guitarist since Jimi Hendrix. Between being in the world's biggest rock band and providing living proof of "Black or White's" chorus, Slash would've been a natural choice to appear in the video, although I imagine that the Use Your Illusion tour was pretty incapacitating.

At an MTV Awards show in 2003, Metallica performed a medley of rock riffs that included songs from Nirvana and the White Stripes. At the 1:22 mark, Kirk Hammett launches into "Beat It."



It's nothing too special, other than a great metal band unironically playing a few measures of a great pop song. Still, the ease at which the two artists blend accentuates the aggressive edge to Michael Jackson's music. So what if he was the biggest star in the world--doesn't belligerence often help sell records?

Axl from Metalsucks may have made the best point--who didn't own Thriller before owning Reign in Blood?

Metallica, Kill 'Em All

"Metal Up Your Ass" is a popular headbanger chant from the early '80s and an annual death metal fest in Fort Worth. It was also the original name of Metallica's debut album.
Almost out of their teens, the four members of Metallica were writing, raw, relentlessly fast and aggressive thrash metal that was about to change a lot of lives. Independent metal label Megaforce picked them up, and Metallica recorded ten amazing songs for their debut album. However, before they unleashed the greatest parent-offender of 1983, Megaforce's executives balked at the album's title and cover art.

Metallica were not happy about this. "We should just kill 'em all," suggested bassist Cliff Burton in response to the label's concerns. His idea was never carried out, but it did serve the band with a new album title.


Artistic freedom is dangerous. Bands should be allowed to make the music that they want to make, but Metal Up Your Ass is a good argument against Metallica's autonomy. I laugh inside whenever I hear the phrase or see that picture of a dagger in a toilet bowl, but that's not the sort of reaction I want from hearing Metallica. The music on Kill 'Em All speaks volumes, but it would be difficult to take any of it seriously under a name like Metal Up Your Ass.

Such a title is more in line with metal bands that Metallica were distinguishing themselves from. Thanks to their musical proficiency, reality-inspired lyrics and punk rock sensibilities, Metallica were translating metal into something to be taken much more seriously than Venom or Mötley Crüe. This is not a process that would've been aided by naming their first album Metal Up Your Ass. They may as well have been wearing makeup and teasing their hair.

Officially releasing Metal Up Your Ass would not have prevented Metallica from being one of American music's greatest claims. But they may not have changed rock music as effectively as they did. I'm staunchly pro-artist when it comes to creative freedom and censorship issues, but I'm also very glad that I don't have to defend my favorite metal band for introducing themselves with Metal Up Your Ass.

KISS vs. AC/DC

Infamously shrewd businessman Gene Simmons recently confirmed that the upcoming KISS studio album is in talks to be a Wal-Mart exclusive. Gene has obviously seen the success of the Eagles' and AC/DC's retailer exclusives, and I'm guessing he knows that an album by a nostalgia act carrying only two of its original members will need a lot of promotion to keep from tanking.



I don't know anything else about this story because I don't care. Wal-Mart is practically anti-rock; their abuse of wage and labor laws being even more offensive than their refusal to stock albums with parental warnings, birth control pills and books by George Carlin. I refuse to patronize them and urge others to do the same, but Gene's latest move doesn't bother me because he has no integrity.

As a KISS fanatic, I've watched the band embarrass themselves through lineup changes, commercial appearances, song doctors and studio musicians struggling to save the band's awful studio albums, Paul's terrible paintings, Gene's terrible magazine and reality show, and of course more chotchke merchandise than any other band in history. None of this bothers me because KISS released some of the best rock albums of the '70s and put on one of the best live shows ever. I don't count on KISS for integrity, just for rocking my socks off once the greasepaint and spikes are donned.

AC/DC is a different story. They never license their music for sampling, commercials or even iTunes, refuse to release "greatest hits" albums, never wrote a sappy commercial ballad, never hired song doctors and have maintained a more or less consistent record of great music. Thus, I was heartbroken to hear that their excellent new album Black Ice would be a Wal-Mart exclusive.



Maybe this is unfair. Integrity is something I don't expect or hope for from KISS, but seeing AC/DC cave into a deal that made them richer at the expense of fans is a letdown. But all rock stars shouldn't be held to the same standards. Imagine how disappointing it would be to see Ian McKaye act like David Lee Roth or to see Roth imitating McKaye. In the end, we should just be glad they they're all making music, but I'm still burning a copy of Black Ice and pretending that KISS aren't releasing new music.

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