Miss!

Somehow, I missed most of the big hard rock/metal shows that came to the NYC area in the past month. I'm not losing any sleep over missing Marilyn Manson, who charges an arm and a leg for tickets and hasn't released a listenable single since I saw him years ago. Say what you will about Manson, but he had some rockin' good tunes way back when.

Few hard rock artists have elicited as many strong opinions as Brian Warner, and most of them are wrong. Manson, his legions of devotees, and especially the Joe Liebermans and Ted Haggards of the world take his act way too seriously. While Manson's strongest detractors struggle to overlook his intellect and eloquence, even his least discerning fans know that he's often better in theory than in practice. But one thing that's for sure about Marilyn Manson is that he totally rocked on Mechanical Animals.

Antichrist Superstar is usually seen as his masterpiece, but the follow-up is far leaner, catchier, funnier, more inventive, and just better. Now that Manson no longer had to conquer the music world, he really indulged himself and came up with some great songs. Case in point: 'I Don't Like the Drugs (But the Drugs Like Me).'



By all means, this song should totally suck. A jaded, decadent rock star writing seriously campy lyrics spoofs Bowie and comes up with the first-ever industrial funk song? The result is musically and lyrically edgier than most of Manson's biggest hits, as well as anything by Rammstein or Skinny Puppy.

I'm sorry to have missed High on Fire, although I did see them last fall and plan to again this spring--they really are that incredibly awesome. Spawned by guitarist Matt Pike shortly after the demise of his previous band, stoner metal icons Sleep (whose last album, Dopesmoker, is one 63-minute song), High on Fire are even louder and faster than Pike's other projects, complete with hooks, chops and stage energy that make them unquestionably one of the top metal bands of the decade. On Blessed Black Wings, they enlisted sonic legend Steve Albini to produce, digging out the rawness and excitement of their live shows after years of being buried by murky production. As far as I can tell, BBW is the best record produced by Albini that isn't named Surfer Rosa or In Utero.

When metalheads start debating the best metal tracks of the 21st century, anyone who doesn't include 'Devilution' is afraid of himself. Play this one as loud as you can...



Still, the show I'm really kicking myself over missing is Gibby Haynes' once-in-a-lifetime performance with Paul Green's School of Rock kids. I'm sure that the clips I've been watching on youtube can't begin to do it justice. The thought of missing one of the greatest, most eccentric iconoclasts in rock history teaming up with the polished professionals of the School of Rock (yes, the ones that played with Jon Anderson) is mildly unbearable, but thankfully one can take solace in some of Haynes' incredible music.

Most of the best Butthole Surfers songs don't have videos. I urge anyone with a working pair of ears to check out any of their albums up until the last one, with 'Lady Sniff,' 'Sweat Loaf,' 'Jimi,' 'The Ballad of Naked Man,' 'Creep in the Cellar' and 'Cough Syrup' being some favorite tracks off the top of my head. Still, they're amazingly consistent for such an unpolished, experimental bunch of acid-rockers, as the following songs prove:

"Who Was in My Room Last Night?" is like an acid-tripping acid trip.



"Pepper," the Surfers' only hit, is like their Straight Story--one of the darkest, weirdest thing they've recorded disguised as something unexpectedly straightforward. I like how the music sounds like Beck's 'Loser' and the lyrics recall 'Walk on the Wild Side' by Lou Reed, also the only charting hits by those artists.



Had the Butthole Surfers been solely a covers act, they still would've been awesome. Check out 'Underdog.'



Or even better, 'Hurdy Gurdy Man.'



But Gibby Haynes' greatest moment is arguably his collaboration with Ministry, 'Jesus Built My Hotrod.' Gibby spits out a scat that resembles (if anything) 'Surfin' Bird' roasted on a spit over Al Jourgensen's relentless wall of twangy industrial guitars. The result is a collaboration of great musical minds on the level of 'Walk this Way,' 'Under Pressure,' 'Bring the Noise,' and even the Mick Jagger-David Bowie remake of 'Dancing in the Streets.' Complete BS and somehow utterly brilliant, 'Jesus Built My Hotrod' one of the greatest rock songs ever committed to tape--and all that's left to do is ding-a-ding-dang-my-dangalong-ling-long.