People often use terms like "awesomely bad," "awesomely kitsch" or "so bad it's good" to describe metal. If it's a rock critic, usually he or she is struggling to appreciate something that they don't get--isn't Iron Maiden actually just awesome? Otherwise, it's VH1 describing something that just plain sucks, like Warrant. Still, as with comic books, horror movies, and even indie rock (The Smiths are easily as funny as Judas Priest), there's a lot of great campy metal out there. But there's no song that I know of that is as stratospherically awesome and terrible as Nitro's 'Machine Gunn Eddie.'
A google search of 'Nitro' turns up with almost no results about the glam metal band, and all of their records are out of print, but the individual band members have achieved notoriety on their own. Singer Jim Gillette is famous for being able to shatter glass with his larynx and for marrying Lita Ford. Guitarist Michael Angelo Batio, Nitro's best-known asset, is the designer of the 'quad,' the four-necked guitar:
Batio also is one of the only people who can compete with Yngwie Malmsteen for ludicrously over the top shredding and masturbatory riffs. Like Malmsteen, almost all of Batio's music is really, really boring.
But Batio and the gang really got it right on 'Machine Gunn Eddie,' possibly the most extraordinary ode ever made to a gangster. 'John Wesley Harding' it ain't. This post inspired me to look up the lyrics, which are far stupider than I ever could have imagined. Musically, it's just as bad, with Batio's guitar fireworks never ending on time (like when the rest of the band cuts out, or when the song ends) and the drummer running out of ideas near the song's finale. He chooses to trounce the double bass pedal as fast as he can before going back to playing the snare beat he started with, and when the doesn't work, he tries the double bass trick again. But 'Machine Gunn Eddie' will shake up a mix CD more than countless better songs could ever hope to. Believe me, there are a lot of choices.
Were it only for Gillette's wailing introduction ("Ma-CHIIINE GU-N-N-N!") and several measures of Batio's WCW-ready guitar buildup, the song would be memorable enough. If the only good thing about this song were its three-word, scream-along chorus and piercingly high rejoinder, it would still be a pretty great relic from the hair metal era. If 'Machine Gunn Eddie' were solely notable for the part where Gillette allegedly sings two notes at once (give me a break), then, well, it would still be notable. But what really makes 'Machine Gunn Eddie' impossible to forget is the scream that Jim Gillette starts around the :48 mark of this song:
Nothing else that I've heard by Nitro is nearly as exciting or as much fun 'Machine Gunn Eddie.' But is there really any good way to follow up a song like that?
The last time I saw the Mars Volta they were fending off boos and garbage being thrown from the floor section at Madison Square Garden. Fans awaiting the no-frills rock of Queens of the Stone Age and radio staples from Red Hot Chili Peppers were so blatantly churlish that even perennial good guy Flea scolded the front row for their behavior. But guitarist Omar Rodriguez-Lopez, vocalist Cedric Bixler-Zavala and the rest of the fluctuating Volta gang got the last laugh when their band became the biggest prog-rock band in years, gaining heaps of critical acclaim and almost unheard-of commercial success (Top ten debuts??) for a prog-rock band, not to mention playing to sold out crowds like the one that greeted them at Terminal 5 this month.
The Mars Volta are a little like Phish to Rush's Grateful Dead; like Trey Anastasio's band of hippie heroes, Mars Volta are funkier, jammier, louder, and more Latin-tinged than the band whose place they're poised to inherit in today's music world. Like Phish, as well as (initially) Rush and the Grateful Dead, the Mars Volta are also insanely prolific, almost always on tour, ignored by rock radio, detested by hipsters and worshiped by dedicated musicians. They're also probably the geekiest guys to have a hit record since Rivers Cuomo was on Happy Days.
Against a backdrop with a naked lady and a snake that recalled Pink Floyd's psychedelic album art, the current eight-man lineup took the stage with the blistering 'Roulette Dares' from their debut, De-Loused in the Comatorium. They dragged the song out to three times it's length before treating the crowd to similarly convoluted tracks from their upcoming album, The Bedlam in Goliath. For nearly three hours the Mars Volta maintained their acid-freakout pace and energy over countless jams, time signature changes, and genre shifts, with the only noticeable consistencies being Blixer-Zavala's shrill vocals, Rodriguez-Lopez's effects-heavy, jazz-rock guitar, and the relentless pummeling of new drummer Thomas Pridgen, who seemed ecstatic to utilize his skill outside of Wicked Wisdom.
Awkwardly, almost clumsily running into the audience and climbing onto the amplifiers, Blixer-Zavala was somehow never winded by all his activity, and his searing, Robert Plant-sings-2112 vocals drove compositions like 'Cygnus....Vismund Cygnus' or the new 'Wax Simulacra' almost as much as Rodriguez-Lopez's frenetic, John McLaughlin-inspired improvisation. Dressed and coiffured like King Crimson's kids at a Boston concert, the duo looked liked they'd stepped out of the early '70s, albeit in a natural manner that never resembled the tired retro of someone like Lenny Kravitz. For all their pre-punk influences, the Mars Volta have a distinctly modern sound, encompassing sonic outbursts and guitar-nerd technology that lies soundly in this decade and employing those techniques with an energy and noise level unlike those of their spiritual predecessors.
At times the Volta got a little too jammy even for their own good, playing the same few bars again and again and again while the unflattering acoustics of Terminal 5 reduced the band's energy to a percussive drone. But thankfully, the band were indulging the crowd as much as themselves. Most alternative bands jam to show that they can get away with playing whatever they want at risk of alienating the people who pay to see them, but the Mars Volta's music-theorist fanbase ate it right up. The crowd applauded the extended versions of songs like the throbbing 'Viscera Eyes' and absorbed the liberties that the multi-instrumentalist backup band took with the music. Watching the band douse the wailing guitar assaults with free jazz saxophone, heavy percussion and Rick Wakeman-inspired keyboards, it was certain that they had found a fanbase that was receptive to new ideas and let the band stretch out creatively.
Late in the set, Bixler-Zavala dedicated a track to everyone who hoped that they'd keep making the same album again and again. No such hopefuls were in the house that night, and 20 minutes of 'Day of the Baphomets' was a worthy closer. There was no encore, and no sign of the band's one semi-hit, Frances the Mute's comparatively accessible 'The Widow.' I doubt that most Chili Peppers fans will be as open-minded when they don't play 'Give it Away.'
No matter how great he is, it's hard to imagine that Anthrax's new lead singer is better than John Bush. However, Anthrax's last album was the best of their entire career, and there's reason to believe that this one will rock as well.
2. New Giraffes CD
The greatest hard rock band to emerge in years is proclaiming that their long-awaited new rekkid is their best yet, "bar none & by a mile." New songs on their Myspace indicate as such.
3. New God Forbid CD
Coming off a two-year tour and the unbelievable Constitution of Treason, 2008 will determine if that album was God Forbid's Beneath the Remains or their Burn My Eyes.
4. New Gojira CD
Gojira have been expanding their fanbase on tours w/Lamb of God and Behemoth, and if their follow-up is anywhere near as great as From Mars to Sirius, it's going to make them huge.
5. New Judas Priest CD
I haven't heard much of the Priest's newer stuff, but a 2-CD concept album about Nostradamus is almost too metal to be true.
6. New King's X CD
Ogre Tones was one of the best records ever by this absurdly underrated power trio, and their unusually long break in between records could be a sign of something amazing.
7. New Mastodon CD
Blood Mountain was a major breakthrough for these hirsute Georgians, who are now 3 for 3 in awesome records. 2008 should push them even further into metal-god status.
8. New Melvins CD
With Big Business in tow, the Melvins are making some of the best music in their career, and 2008 should bring on some more Godzilla-riffed, two-drummer monstrosities.
9. New Meshuggah CD
With alleged inner turmoil and a new album that reportedly draws from the Destroy Erase Improve sound, it's all I can stand to not listen to the leaked track.
10. New Metallica CD
The biggest metal band in history is at work with the best-known producer in the world. Plausibly brilliant or an utter disaster, it will be a fascinating listen.
Yes, there's more great metal scheduled to come out this year, yes, some of it will probably get delayed, and no, Chinese Democracy is not seeing the light of day.
Lest you believe that socially conscious headbangers are a thing of the past, here are a few heroes from the newer school.
Corrosion of Conformity--'Vote with a Bullet'
This is an older tune, but as vocalist/guitarist Pepper Keenan later said of his singing debut w/C.O.C., "I think it means more now than when we wrote the damn thing." Demolishing the ignorant redneck stereotype, Keenan certainly didn't hold anything back on his first chance on the microphone, one that was powerful enough to earn him the band's frontman status. Whether the song is actually about bullet-voting (not likely) or about taking political matters into one's own hands (more likely), it's a tough, inspiring call to arms from a bunch of guys who backed it up by co-founding a non-profit North Carolina grassroots organization and campaigning against eternal bigot Jesse Helms.
Lamb of God--'Now You've Got Something to Die For'
Lamb of God (who hail from the greatest state in the world) aren't the most eloquent political speakers, but they definitely know how to get the kids fired up. If more politicians were as rousing as this song, more people would vote.
God Forbid--'Chains of Humanity'
God Forbid took their intensity to a new level on 2005's Constitution of Treason, a concept record about society destroying itself. As God Forbid overcame hardcore's musical and lyrical shortcomings to become a full fledged, politically charged metal band, they wrote this ode to overcoming adversity; giving metal's apocalyptic visions a modern day, political setting. Vocalist Byron Davis wonders if he has to lose his humanity in order to survive, while God Forbid stand on Pantera's shoulders (even calling on 'Strength Beyond Strength' in the lyrics) to see further than ever before. It'll be fascinating to see how they follow up Constitution of Treason later this year.
System of a Down--'B.Y.O.B.'
Startlingly heavy and eccentric for a band that's likely to be in rotation at K-ROCK, System of a Down are for better or worse the most politically active metalheads since Rage Against the Machine. Singer Serj Tankian famously co-founded Axis of Justice with Rage guitarist Tom Morello, but SOAD had already been addressing social and political issues for years:
Gun control in 'Sugar:'
Invasion of privacy in 'Spiders:'
Heavy sentencing for drug users in 'Prison Song:'
SOAD became increasingly belligerent during the Bush Administration. Their music video for 'Boom!' was directed by Michael Moore.
The worst in U.S. affairs seems to bring out the best in these guys. 2005's 'B.Y.OB.' was one of the best songs to take on the situation in Iraq. Musically owing as much to Frank Zappa as Black Sabbath, 'B.Y.O.B.' also recalls those artists by attacking the government's tendency to draft the working class for the president's dirty work (see 'War Pigs') and the American people's complacency about the whole thing (see 'Who Needs the Peace Corps?')
If you ask a music fan about Faith No More, chances are you'll hear about either their 1989 monster hit "Epic" or the 1992 cult favorite Angel Dust, if you get a response at all. Both are good ways to check out the band, but I can't get enough of 'Falling to Pieces' off The Real Thing. Quirky, infectious, and one of the earliest indications of Mike Patton's otherworldly vocal capacities, 'Falling to Pieces' was too weird to repeat the tremendous success of "Epic," but it's an even better song.
Kevin Smith once said that he identified with trash metal headbangers Anthrax. "In our respective work, we both name-check somewhat geeky stuff that appeals to us, neither of us have ever been embraced by the mainstream, and we’ve both got small but insanely loyal audiences," stated Smith, continuing, "But I’ll never do anything nearly as cool..." If Anthrax is rock's Kevin Smith, then their collaboration with Public Enemy on 'Bring the Noise' would be like Smith teaming up with Spike Lee; if Jay and Silent Bob Do the Right Thing was one of the greatest creations from either party. Often overshadowed by both the Aerosmith-Run-DMC collaboration and all the rap-rock that turned up in the mid to late '90s, 'Bring the Noise' may be the only real rap-metal song, featuring actual rapping and an actual metal band. How a bunch of comic book-loving Jews from New York teamed up with the most influential (and at the time, most militant) rap group in history is anyone's guess, but 'Bring the Noise' has been getting metalheads to check out hip-hop ever since.
Alice in Chains were more aggressive and metallic than most of their grunge peers, which is probably part of why Dirt didn't sell as many records as Ten or Nevermind. But their acoustic material, as heard on the harrrowing Jar of Flies EP and the most moving episode of 'MTV Unplugged' that didn't star Kurt Cobain, is some of their very best. Guitarist Jerry Cantrell is a master of both complex and simples hooks, although he's bizarrely underrated for being a pivotal figure in the rise of both grunge and thrash metal (who else could collaborate with Mark Arm and Tom Araya?). His band obliterated the restrictions of both genres on 'I Stay Away,' employing a fluid, acoustic intro and a string section which would be inconceivable coming from Mudhoney or Slayer. The late Layne Staley's gruff, pained vocals, which have been so widely imitated that it's hard to hear how arresting they were when AIC hit big, effortlessly go from soothing to snarling in concurrence with Cantrell's guitar.
Part of what makes Ozzy Osbourne so brilliant is that he never seems to be trying.
Countless dime-a-dozen shock-rockers play up their drug use or swear by satanism in hopes of becoming antihero #1, but Ozzy could care less about striking fear into the hearts of authority figures. His Black Sabbath bandmates disapproved of way Ozzy disrupted their seriousness with his energetic performances, and while Ozzy's peers professed to be the baddest, the toughest or the scariest metal gods in existence, Ozzy reflected on his insecurity and mortality in songs like 'I Don't Know' and 'Road to Nowhere.' When being interviewed for metal documentary The Decline of Western Civilization, most hair-metal nitwits begged to be shown partying in their mansions, drenching themselves in alcohol or surrounded by groupies. Ozzy allowed himself to be interviewed at home, unguarded, cooking eggs and pouring orange juice. His well-documented wildman antics surpass the unruliest rock stars, but Ozzy has constantly been apologetic and even bashful for all his hellraising. Like Dracula or the Wolfman, Ozzy seems like a well-meaning soul possessed by an otherworldly force that takes over whenever he sings 'Over the Mountain' or 'Diary of a Madman.' To paraphrase a song on Ozzmosis, Ozzy's Jekyll didn't Hide at his headlining show at Madison Square Garden.
But before we get to Ozzy, let's discuss Rob Zombie. One of the greatest filmmakers (regardless of genre) and one of the greatest metal acts in the world today, Rob Zombie is also one of the most dynamic showman that you will ever see onstage. Preceded by a big screen showing of his coming attraction segment from Grindhouse, Rob Zombie took the stage in all his campy glory. Flanked by props that looked like they'd been stolen from a horror convention, dancing girls who looked like (from afar) Sheri Moon Zombie, and arguably the best band of his career, it was as theatrical as metal gets. Within minutes of Zombie's entrance, the arena was almost entirely on their feet, flashing horns and applauding Zombie's every move as his signature growl rolled around the arena.
Zombie's shortened set ensured that we heard the créme de la créme from his storied, 20+ year career. The fantastic 'Living Dead Girl' was an early highlight of his set, and the title tracks from his first two films, 'House of 1,000 Corpses' and 'The Devil's Rejects' provided the show's eeriest moments. 'Thunder Kiss '65' was dusted off from his days as an underground star with White Zombie, and the frantic 'Superbeast' and the seething 'Red, Red Kroovy' got some of the night's best shout-alongs. Quite possibly the best dancer in metal today, Zombie pranced all over the stage, ran through the front row and flailed his arms with Mick Jagger-esque rhythm. Unsurprisingly, he got a little winded during 'More Human than Human,' but he never slowed down, taking a quick breath while he handed the mic to some lucky devotees. Zombie was always on top of his game, and he bellowed out the song's final chorus over deafening applause.
My favorite bit of Zombie banter came near the end of his set. "These seats here," began the incredulous Zombie, pointing in the direction of me and my cohort, "make no sense at all!" Thanks, Rob--maybe the MSG folks will think about that the next they sell tickets for the seats almost behind the stage.
Could anyone have stolen the show from Zombie, it was guitarist John 5, who tossed off his nastiest slide guitar licks with almost as much energy as the frontman. Zombie's music is a little below the albino-faced guitar hero's playing ability, and that gave John a chance to put the most into his performance, swinging around his instrument while running all over the stage space. Thankfully, he was given a spot to solo, and he unleashed a barrage of fretboard magic that included a few measures of 'Eruption' and of course, the Jimi Hendrix version of our National Anthem.
As the last chorus of 'Dragula' ended Zombie's set, he led the crowd in a chant of 'Zombie! Zombie!' that he would have certainly gotten even if he didn't instigate it. There are only a few people who can give the most iconic metal god in history a run for his money, and the former Robert Cummings is one of them.
Following Rob Zombie is a daunting task for anyone, but Ozzy was up for it. The lights dimmed, and a projected video showed Ozzy appearing in and interacting in Borat, 'The Sopranos,' and similar settings as our hero worked his way to the stage. 'Camina Burana' signaled the formal introduction, and the jolliest old man to ever defile a national monument let his instantly recognizable voice ring out over the venue. The band launched into 'I Don't Want to Stop,' the indisputable highlight of Ozzy's forgettable new album, and the Prince of Darkness jumped up and down, flailing his arms and screaming for the crowd to scream along.
"I love you people!" Ozzy cackled. "Are you ready to go crrAAAAAZZZZYYYY?" The intro to 'Crazy Train,' which is as strong a case for Ozzy being incarcerated as some of his misdemeanors, drove the entire arena into a frenzy. Years of heavy substance abuse, Parkinson's, and most recently a life-threatening ATV accident have taken their toll on Ozzy, who's not as fast or as animated as the guy who inspired scores of protests lawsuits in '80s and '90s. But he's willfully forfeited his place as the scariest rock star in the world, and he seems comfortable being a cheerful old rock icon. It'd be self-parodying for Ozzy to carry on like Watain or Berzerker, so Ozzy playfully threw buckets of water on the front row, shot what looked like whip cream out of a hose, and talked more like he was throwing a party than performing satanic metal. "I can't HEAR YOU!" Ozzy wailed to the crowd. He yelled the phrase so much over the night that I believe he seriously couldn't hear us, but thankfully we could hear him, whether he was recanting the controversial 'Suicide Solution' or conjuring the protagonist of 'Mr. Crowley.' During the lycanthropic masterpiece 'Bark at the Moon,' he encouraged everyone to howl, turning his tale of depravity in an almost charming singalong. Somehow, it worked.
Throughout his solo career, Ozzy's band has been a revolving door of first-rate musicians, and tonight's lineup included Faith No More's Mike Bordin and Rob Zombie's Blasko. But the star was unquestionably lead guitarist Zakk Wylde, Ozzy's longtime first mate whose metal attitude and virtuoso-level musicianship are only matched by his undying loyalty and respect for Ozzy (going as far as naming his son 'John Michael,' after you-know-who's real name). Wylde's guitar god skills are better showcased with Ozzy than with Wylde's own project, Black Label Society, and Ozzy's partner in crime was granted a solo that brought out his hard rock and southern rock influences, along with his metal innovations and the pinch harmonics that make Wylde one of the most distinct guitarists in the world. As if to compete with John 5, Wylde also ended his piece with 'The Star Spangled Banner,' and a testament to Wylde's ability was that he could make the song sound fresh even after we'd just heard it. Call it sacrilege, but Randy Rhoads would be hard-pressed to come up with a better guitar show.
Ozzy returned ("ZakkfukkinWylde!! People! Louder! I can't HEAR YOU!!") and launched into "I Don't Want to Change the World," one of the best songs of his almost 40-year-career and one that perfectly suits his image as the reluctant badass. "Don't you try and teach me no original sin/I don't need your pity for the shape I'm in," bellowed Ozzy, "I don't want to change the world/I don't want the world to change me!" Amidst his most belligerent material, Ozzy still came through as metal's answer to Ferdinand the Bull. Not bad for a guy who'd lose just about any game of 'Never have I ever.'
Encoring with the reflective 'Mama, I'm Coming Home' and the raging 'Paranoid,' Ozzy showcased the diversity of his career with arguably his two best-known songs. Performing rock staples that couldn't be further apart stylistically, it was like watching Ozzy's bad-boy past and respected present meet on the same stage, finally comfortable with each other. Fireworks shot out from the back of the stage as Ozzy and the band put their arms around each other for the final bow. Years ago, the fireworks would have been in Ozzy's behavior and not in the stage show, but Ozzy doesn't have to decapitate small animals or urinate publicly to put on a great show. He just has to be Ozzy, and that's a job he handles perfectly.
Batio also is one of the only people who can compete with Yngwie Malmsteen for ludicrously over the top shredding and masturbatory riffs. Like Malmsteen, almost all of Batio's music is really, really boring.
